What type of parent do I want to be?
We all – or the majority of people – long to become parents; some have always dreamt of this life-changing situation, others may be surprised by it. Not everyone finds it easy to adapt to this huge change in life, and this is because parenting today has become more difficult, complex and often exhausting. Think of the changes in society that have led to an increased feeling of detachment from extended family members and our community. Today, family members often live far away and grandparents are busy with their occupations. The changes in the work-life are also important, employment characteristics are contributing to the difficulties that parents face. Indeed, changes in technology (mobile phones, emails) mean that many find ourselves bringing work home.
In today’s article, we will go through some points for parenting for the first time.
Some definitions on parenting:
There are four main parenting styles — permissive, authoritative, neglectful and authoritarian — that we use in child psychology today and are based on Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, and Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin. Baumrind noticed that preschoolers exhibited distinctly different types of behavior. Each type of behavior was highly correlated to a specific kind of parenting. Different styles of parenting can lead to different child development and child outcomes. Maccoby and Martin (1983) were the ones who expanded the model Baumrind’s permissive parenting style into two different types:
Permissive style (also known as indulgent parenting style)
Neglectful parenting (also known as uninvolved parenting style).
What type of parent do I want to be?
Parenting is an accumulation of actions and interactions with your child. Parenting aims to develop character traits in children like independence, self-direction, honesty, self-control, kindness and cooperation. Parenting also involves parents living their lives as role models. Kids listen to and watch what their parents do, taking everything in; parenting means being aware that your children are watching, learning and copying you.
Start with creating your parental vision; what are your long term parenting goals?
What are your expectations for yourself as a parent and your children?
Identify your parenting triggers.
Create awareness on your parenting behavior and your parenting values
When I do parent coaching, I ask my clients what they want to bring in their parenting from their childhood and what they want to leave behind.
My number one rule is to tell my clients that they are doing a fantastic job and I like to make them feel like superheroes because in fact they are. Children can outsource us in unimaginable ways.
In my experience until now, I like to propose to you 6 out of many positive parenting tips to help you move forward:
Be attentive to your little one, no matter how many times he/she repeats the sentence, just listen and cooperate by moving your head for instance or maybe smile, in other word, get along with the conversation.
Create a variety of activities for the both of you. Have fun with cooking or maybe color together, and if your kids are older have some personal time together; go to the beauty salon with your daughter, or go for a coffee with your son. Just remember to be present.
Don’t get too emotional when they misbehave, yes that’s a tricky, but this is the key to a successful outcome for a child’s “misbehavior”. Children are known to test their parents whenever they have the chance, especially at the very early stages of their discovery of what is around them and it’s for us adults to learn how to control ourselves and not get too emotional and not the other way round.
Have realistic expectations, this one falls exactly at its right place after “not getting too emotional” you know why? Because kids are supposed to make mistakes, they are supposed to make us lose our minds but it is up to us to manage these situations and make it easier on both them and us.
Let me put you in the situation, you said NO for ice cream in the middle of a rainy day, your three years old is screaming on top of his lungs, instead of loudly saying “WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING, I AM THE PARENT AND I KNOW WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT TO DO…GO TO YOUR ROOM”, you can do the following; stand up from where you are, go down to the level of your child, hug your kid and with a very low and emotional caring voice say “I know you are upset, and I know that your emotions are all over the place, but look outside, it is very rainy, and we cannot eat ice cream in the rain or the cold, what about we go make pancakes together?” and that’s an example you could use, the child will eventually know that you understand his/her frustration and don’t condemn him/her for it!
Take care of yourself, I always tell my clients that they should always take care of themselves as they are the example for their kids especially that at an early age children are like a sponge dipped in water, they absorb all of what they see and they recreate it as they grow, so always think about the image you’re showcasing in front of your little ones. Your child is dependent of you and only you. Never give up on him/her, especially when they struggle with something and look up to you for help. BE THERE!
The most rewarding job one can ask for is being a PARENT, and at the same time the hardest one can do. There are no rules in parenting but there are intuition, dedication and patience. YES PATIENCE IS KEY!
As a parent myself, many things I went through with my kids had made me feel overwhelmed weak and led me to question myself, but on the contrary today I strongly believe in “A positive mindset brings positive things” and also I learned to never be ashamed for seeking help, and for that I am here for you, get in touch today and book a consultation for positivity and happy minds.